Reflection on the conversational treatment
Months ago I was mentally experiencing the worst situation through my entire life, my brain was filled with great fear and depression. Before giving my reflection, here I would like to thank Mrs. Lee for her kindness providing such an effectual conversational treatment.
My friend Hwain first heard I withdrew from the school and she introduced her mom Mrs. Lee to have an online chatting with me. Before the conversation, “What is the mask I am wearing” was one of the question Mrs. Lee gave to me. To be honest the question was quite confusing for me since it can be applied to many aspects of my life. It reminds me that my values, or in another word, sense of worth, are formed but could possibly be misled by the education from the school, the tradition of my nation, and the people around me. Through all those elements, something must be incorrect in order to destroy a man’s mental health. The question gave me a room to peacefully recall those moments that can cause weakness in my mental health.
An physical explain to a man’s depression is the lack of the chemical: 5-HT, which should be automatically produced by the human body. But when a man’s great fear and depression occupy his brain, he will understand the chemical is never something people can immediately produce to make their body recovered. What I would like to say is, what a person thinks and believes plays an even more significant role in recovery, and when Mrs. Lee gave her understanding through a way I can trust, the treatment was extremely efficient.
Mrs. Lee was even able to have an insight understanding of my personality, which extremely surprised me when she had no more information but my birthday only. She showed me few pictures to explain her analysis, surprisingly accurate. Further more, she mentioned that my character can be influenced by a childhood memory I do not even remember - and the answer to the present is looking at the past. “I don’t want to be abandoned” was another sentence Mrs. Lee gave to me, which exactly explains the emotional side of myself.
The personality analysis given by Mrs. Lee showed that I have a strong personality along with a sensitive emotion that make me want to control everything but can easily lose my self when having too many feelings, especially when I have no clear identity. Yes, for years my behavior or reaction to the world are all based on those personalities, and learning from others so fast also made me easily lose my self. I have to say, those are all very accurate analysis. Clearly, those analysis could give me a guide to adapt myself to the society, and in order to find a clear identity, I have to find what I really enjoy and what is truly useful to me and to others. Some of the suggestions are indeed ignored by me since my brain can easily be shaped by people or environment appearing on my daily routine, while other suggestion are something I always want to follow, maybe I was just too lazy to start my first step. But luckily I do feel that I am getting closer to that to realize suggestions since right now I am step by step looking for what I should devote myself into, maybe film or languages.
At the end of the conversation I was told to not to carry all of the complicated ideas with me because my thoughts can vary from time to time, and if I think things in a complicated way, my life can be destroyed. Actually, the situation I recently faced was just the example of that description. Even though there is no easy switch button from sadness to happiness, I can still find a smart way to improve my ability to make life easier through making thoughts simple. Although who I will be is still not clear, I will carry that question “What is the task for me” to keep thinking about my true identity.